I have always wondered how it could be possible to be in love with more than one person. But now, NOW…I know.
I have very recently started binge-watching “New Girl” (thanks to my glorious boyfriend, Netflix) and I have without warning fallen in love with Schmidt, Nick, Winston, AND Coach. That’s not even a triangle anymore. That’s a pentagon.
I am in a love pentagon.
Does it count as a love-agon if none of them love me back? (And the only reason that they don’t love me back is that they haven’t met me. I mean, come on now, who wouldn’t love me?)
Sorry, guys. I threw $5 in the Douchebag Jar for that last sentence.
My obsession with New Girl has taught me a lot about myself.
#1: I fall in love with tropes- quite easily and quite shamefully.
These characters have moments of tenderness and genuine humanity but most often they are caricatures of real people. Schmidt is the insecure romantic hiding it with an obnoxious level of bravado and machismo; Nick is the clueless, curmudgeon who will never live up to his potential, Winston is the handsome guy who you wouldn’t expect to be as doofy or lacking in game as he actually is, and Coach…well Coach is kind of a lot like Winston if Winston were Damon Wayans. Oh…wait.
But I don’t care, dammit! I love them and their tropey tropeness because real men with real problems and real feelings are just too damn complicated. Which leads me to my next lesson.
# 2: I love falling in love with fictional characters because they will NEVER break my heart.
Real love is scary. Storybook characters, television characters, and movie characters will never leave me. Even when their storyline ends…I can just go back and re-read or re-watch. Not one of them will use me, laugh at me, or leave me.
They are perfection.
#3: I admire bad ass bitches with a heart of gold moreso than the overtly sweet, bubble gum good girls.
That’s code for I like CeCe better than Jess. (Jess is the tropiest of tropey tropes in a negative way. ::Insert Manic Pixie Dreamgirl here:: She plays the wounded baby bird too often. GET A HOLD OF YOUR LIFE, GIRL).
Disclaimer- I still really like Zooey Deschanel.
The truth of it is that I can relate more to CeCe (minus the part about being a drop dead gorgeous and gainfully employed model) but…I just get her. She’s not as tough as she likes to act. She is a romantic at heart but sees her emotions as a weakness and does everything in her power to deflect attention from her true feelings.
I get you, girl. I. Get. You.
If you forced me to choose just one of these beautiful characters to love (by holding my chocolate stash hostage or something equally as traumatizing) I would have to choose CeCe. I can only hope to be half as cool as CeCe one day.
Oh, was I supposed to choose a guy? Fine. Schmidt. My guy will always be Schmidt- the successful and secretly insecure romantic hiding beneath an idiotic bravado.
Clearly, I have great taste in men.
So…who wants to play “True American”?