Tag: life

New Year, Same Me

New Year New Me

The New Year is fast approaching and you know me, I’m not one to miss a chance to post about a clichéd, yet nuanced  tradition!

But I’m going to give it to you straight, I don’t plan on becoming a “New Me” for the new year.  I am in a constant state of transition.  Every day I become a new me. Don’t you?

Every day a new thought pops into my head.  Half the time they are absolutely ridiculous like, “If the Sanderson sisters had been dead for 300 years, how did they know exactly how to use a microphone for their epic ‘I Put a Spell On You’ dance number?” or “Italian sounds so much prettier than English- an Italian man could spend an hour describing a carrot to me and I will have already accepted his proposal, married him, and had his child in in my head in that time.”  But you know, those are just the thoughts that keep me sane and giggling to myself in a corner.  (That’s the definition of sane, right?)

In addition to those Einstein level realizations, I do have the occasional meaningful thought.  One day I thought, “I want to help promote independent film and encourage aspiring film-makers to follow their dreams.”  Want to know what happened?  I created a successful film festival.  And it’s great.  (Rahway International Film Festival– check it out.)

My point is, every day will bring you new ideas and no one says that you have to wait until January 1st to make a move.  (If they do, stop talking to them.  You don’t need that kind of negativity in your life.)

I will always be “me.”  I am both the same and new.  Every day brings something new- new lessons, new ideas, new plans, new skin cells…all that jazz.  My values remain the same, my morals remain the same even as my hopes and dreams evolve.

Start today, start tomorrow, start in March, who cares.  Start when you are ready to make a change.  You don’t need to reinvent yourself for the new year.  You should accept who you are and do everything in your power to become the best version of yourself that you can be – starting on any day that you damn well please.

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The Strongest Love

As I walk into what was once my grandparent’s dining room, I am struck by a rush of emotions.  In the center of the room remain the indentations in the plush creme carpet left by a long-gone, beautiful wooden dinette set.  Now in its place lies an empty wheelchair.  Up against the far left wall is a twin-sized bed; its mate upon the opposite wall.  A stack of adult diapers and an I.V. pole sit ominously between the twins with a small baby monitor perched upon the nearby table.

This is not the Thanksgiving of my youth.  Years have passed and life has taken its toll.  A few years ago my grandmother suffered a massive stroke, leaving her unable to communicate or move on her own.  She now resides in what was once her prized dining room, unable to climb the stairs to the bedroom she once shared with her husband.  While I feel for her tremendously and constantly wonder what she might be thinking and feeling in the days of late, that is not what moves me most in this room.  What moves me most is that second twin bed against the far left wall.

With fifty-eight years of marriage behind them, my grandfather left the comfort of his bedroom to lay with his wife.  She isn’t the same woman he married, they can’t talk the way they once could, and her condition leaves her quite temperamental but that means nothing to him.  He loves her just the same.  After fifty-eight years, he’s not about to leave her side now.

Perhaps this doesn’t mean much to those of you who don’t know my grandparents, but to me it means a great deal.  I am a child of divorce and for those of you who have been there, it leaves a scar.  But to see these two people who have been together through thick and thin is enough to bring back a glimmer of hope.  Even during her hardest moments, moments that wear just as heavily on my grandfather, he stands strong.  You can see the love in his eyes when he looks at her.  There now resides a sadness behind those eyes, but never to be overshadowed by his love.  I am grateful that a love so strong truly does exist.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Life is a Sitcom

     “My life has a superb cast, but I can’t figure out the plot.”  I came across this quote on facebook, where else?  (Thank you to the dear friend who posted this quote.  It gave me something to write about!)  I then googled to find this adorable picture so that I could give you some decor in this blog.  In all seriousness, is there anyone who can’t relate to this quote?  If you can’t, you’ve obviously come from another planet.

Indeed I do have a superb cast in my life.  I’ve got the quirky side-kicks, the arch-enemies (those guys–not so superb), the love interest, and some comic relief; all the makings of a fantastic movie.  Unfortunately, if this were a real movie the damn thing would never get made because the plot is all over the place, inconsistent and hard to follow.  I might be able to let it pass for a 90’s sitcom.

Why is it so hard to accept that not knowing the plot is a blessing?  Because it makes shit difficult!  That’s why!  As exhilerating as surprises are, comfort comes with security and knowing that everything will be okay.  We can promise ourselves blindly that everything will be okay, and I firmly believe that in the end it will, but what about all that’s in between?  How difficult will it get?  How much suffering must I or you do before it’s “okay”?  When is the episode where I lose my job coming?  (Oh wait, I’ve gotten that out of the way already. Fingers crossed that that particular episode won’t go into syndication)  In what season will I get my dream job?  And how will my series finale play out?  What do I do with all of these questions?!

The reality is that people want to know what’s coming.  Perhaps not the immediate future, but we all look for that validation that in the end, we will have what we’ve always wanted.  In the end, it will all work out.  We neglect to see that what we really want may change as time moves forward and things that we never expected to happen change the way we look at things.  I am terrified that my future will not be what I hoped for.  But in the end, I am the driving force behind the way my life turns out.  There is no one to blame but myself if I end my life as a cranky old coot blaming my kids for the misfortune I’d experienced.  So for now, I choose to write my sitcom day by day.  I can’t possibly plan my future.  There’s no fun in that.

And here’s a secret- I’m pretty sure that most sitcom writers have no idea what their next move is either.  I mean, have you seen some of the plot lines out there today??