Tag: humor

What’s Cookin’, Good Lookin’? (Adventures in Cooking)

Spoiler alert: It’s me!  I’m cookin’!  I’m also good lookin’… and apparently talking to myself and answering my own questions.  Isn’t that the definition of insanity?  Or is it genius?  Eh, that’s fodder for another blog on another day.  Pushing the A.D.D. aside and moving along…

We learned in my last blog that I am newly on a gluten free diet and since this new development has confused my poor father beyond all belief, I am left with no choice but to cook for myself.  (Disclaimer: I used to attempt to cook for myself but it typically ended with my father standing over my shoulder telling me that I’m doing everything wrong until he swiped the spatula from my hand and shoved me out of the kitchen.  Needless to say, I gave up trying rather quickly.  Ah, the pitfalls of living at home. Pro: Mo’ money.  Con: Mo’ parents).  I am now forced to learn the old fashioned way: Trial by Fire.  Literally.

Luckily, I have not yet burned the house down so I’m counting that as a win.

I started slowly, with boxed gluten free/dairy free brownies by King Arthur Flour (did I mention that I can’t have dairy either?  Clearly, I killed someone in a past life). Surprisingly, these brownies turned out amazing (thanks to the chefs/engineers who figured out how to make that flour so bangin’) considering the lack of skill needed on my part!  I have been eating them non-stop for the last three days.  Actually, it’s become a bit of an addiction and I may have a problem.  This is going to be a once in a blue moon kind of treat otherwise I will blow up like Violet in Willy Wonka in the Chocolate Factory, minus the awesome violet hue.

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The next day I made my own soup…from scratch!  Thanks to my new favorite app, Yummly, I was able to find a bunch of really great gluten free/dairy free recipes.  It even generates a shopping list for you, making grocery shopping that much easier!  (I’m not even getting paid to advertise for these people- I just think it’s an awesome app.  And if you struggle with the culinary things in life as much as I do, it may come in handy)*

Here’s the recipe for the soup if you want to try it out:  Cream of Broccoli

What I learned from making this soup:

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  1.  The estimated cook time is total bull.  It took me twice as long to get to the final product as predicted.
  2. Chopping broccoli is frustrating and not nearly as fun without Dana Carvey singing to you as you go.
  3. Blenders sound really scary.  Even the counter trembles in fear.
  4. Dancing to Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons while you cook is the ONLY way to cook.

I am rather happy with the way it turned out.  It was totally edible!  I would go so far as to say I enjoyed it!  Shocking, I know.

Today, I went all out and made a gluten free/dairy free shrimp scampi.  Again, here’s the recipe if you’d like to try it out: Shrimp Scampi12711194_10106009590259829_6851101468767847583_o

What I learned from making this scampi:

  1.  When you heat oil and then attempt to toss garlic in the pan, it will jump out of the pan and try to kill you.  Oil hates you.  And your mother.
  2. When you don’t reduce the wine enough, you can get drunk from scampi.  (Well, if you have tolerance as low as mine which is, to be fair, pitifully non-existent).
  3. Don’t add too much lemon.  You’ll make really weird faces while you eat which is not ideal for date night (I would assume.  I slurp my s’ghetti alone, thank you very much).

Overall, I am ridiculously proud of myself for adulting so hard this week.  I took my first steps toward culinary greatness.  Who knows, maybe one day I’ll be the next Giada.

I’m just kidding.  My cooking show would be me cursing every five seconds because I knocked over the pepper AGAIN and spilled the olive oil on my scarf (because yes, I am that genius who cooks with a scarf on.  I also get said scarf caught on the kitchen drawer and almost choke myself mid-sautee).

Thinking about it now…this would be a BRILLIANT YouTube show. ::Makes a mental note::

Well, that’s enough of that.  I hope you’ve enjoyed my slightly (scampi induced) drunken ramblings.

gina cooking

 

*However, if Yummly wanted to pay me to advertise for them, I would be totally game for that too….

 

Is This Love?- “New Girl” Revelations

I have always wondered how it could be possible to be in love with more than one person.  But now, NOW…I know.

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I have very recently started binge-watching “New Girl” (thanks to my glorious boyfriend, Netflix) and I have without warning fallen in love with Schmidt, Nick, Winston, AND Coach.  That’s not even a triangle anymore.  That’s a pentagon.

I am in a love pentagon.

Does it count as a love-agon if none of them love me back?  (And the only reason that they don’t love me back is that they haven’t met me.  I mean, come on now, who wouldn’t love me?)

Sorry, guys.  I threw $5 in the Douchebag Jar for that last sentence.

Moving along…

My obsession with New Girl has taught me a lot about myself.

#1: I fall in love with tropes- quite easily and quite shamefully.  

These characters have moments of tenderness and genuine humanity but most often they are caricatures of real people.  Schmidt is the insecure romantic hiding it with an obnoxious level of bravado and machismo; Nick is the clueless, curmudgeon who will never live up to his potential, Winston is the handsome guy who you wouldn’t expect to be as doofy or lacking in game as he actually is, and Coach…well Coach is kind of a lot like Winston if Winston were Damon Wayans.  Oh…wait.

But I don’t care, dammit!  I love them and their tropey tropeness because real men with real problems and real feelings are just too damn complicated.  Which leads me to my next lesson.

# 2: I love falling in love with fictional characters because they will NEVER break my heart.

Real love is scary.  Storybook characters, television characters, and movie characters will never leave me.  Even when their storyline ends…I can just go back and re-read or re-watch.  Not one of them will use me, laugh at me, or leave me.

They are perfection.

#3: I admire bad ass bitches with a heart of gold moreso than the overtly sweet, bubble gum good girls.

That’s code for I like CeCe better than Jess.  (Jess is the tropiest of tropey tropes in a negative way.  ::Insert Manic Pixie Dreamgirl here::  She plays the wounded baby bird too often.  GET A HOLD OF YOUR LIFE, GIRL).

Disclaimer- I still really like Zooey Deschanel.

1x05-CeCe-Crashes-new-girl-26696543-1280-720The truth of it is that I can relate more to CeCe (minus the part about being a drop dead gorgeous and gainfully employed model) but…I just get her.  She’s not as tough as she likes to act.  She is a romantic at heart but sees her emotions as a weakness and does everything in her power to deflect attention from her true feelings.

I get you, girl.  I. Get. You.

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If you forced me to choose just one of these beautiful characters to love (by holding my chocolate stash hostage or something equally as traumatizing) I would have to choose CeCe.  I can only hope to be half as cool as CeCe one day.

Oh, was I supposed to choose a guy?  Fine.  Schmidt.  My guy will always be Schmidt- the successful and secretly insecure romantic hiding beneath an idiotic bravado.

Clearly, I have great taste in men.

So…who wants to play “True American”?

Reviewing “50/50”

Damn you, Dine-In theater and your villainous combination of tequila and movies!  You have led me to yet another drunken blog post!  But that’s ok, I will forgive due to your wonderful combination of tequila and movies!

This post may not be that long because I may very well pass out while writing it.  No, I’m not that drunk…I just get very sleepy after a few margaritas… or one.  (I have painfully pitiful tolerance).  Anyway, I wanted to sit (lay) down and write a quick blog about my thoughts on “50/50,” starring Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Seth Rogen.

My thoughts:  Pleasantly surprised.

Ok, end of blog now.  Night night!!

Just kidding.  I would highly recommend this movie to anyone interested in seeing a true reflection of life.  Many people can’t sit in a theater and watch a movie that’s “just too real”, myself being one of them but this movie does a brilliant job of keeping you alert and laughing even when dealing with the all-too-real reality of Cancer.  Cancer is difficult for those struggling with the disease and for family and friends who travel that path with them but not every moment is drenched in sadness.  “50/50” allows its audience a small glimpse into the life of one man afflicted with this awful disease and just how he was able to cope through humor.

I won’t pretend to know what it is like to live this struggle and those who have lived it may disagree with me.  As a matter of fact, I would be interested to know their thoughts.  Yet as an outsider, I truly enjoyed every moment of this film.  I laughed; I cried and I didn’t come out of the theater saying “Why did I spend money on this piece of shit?”  That last part is big, man.  Freakin’ huge.  Do you know how many times I feel like I have been personally robbed after going to the movies?  The fact that I didn’t walk out of the theater feeling like the victim of a brutal mugging this time only helps prove my point.

Side-yet very important-note:  Joseph Gordon-Levitt is a fantastic actor and always does a good job of portraying troubled characters.  Huge crush.  Huge.  Love him.  (Oops… in vino veritas?)

Adding one more star to its rating, (assuming I was using some kind of a rating system) is the fact that this movie ties into my latest fixation quite well.  As my last post would suggest, Steve Jobs and the idea of using death as a form of motivation have become something of an obsession.  Watching this man come to terms with his own mortality has pushed me even further in the direction of following my dreams.  A movie that doubles as inspiration?  Score!  I don’t mean to imply that the movie will have this same effect on all who watch it but I wouldn’t rule it out either.  I stand by my recommendation and I hope that this movie can do for you what it has done for me, or at the very least, I hope you don’t feel that you wasted $15 for another bomb.

Best wishes!  And again, apologies for any incoherency due to inebriation.  I’m hittin’ the sack.  Good night!