Tag: friends

Can Exes Be Friends? Would they be Frexes?

exfriendsTherapy is expensive.

WordPress is free.

Welcome to my open session therapy with myself!

Sometimes I just need to sit down and write everything out before I can truly process it.  I know that everyone processes things differently but for me, a keyboard or pen and paper is the only way I know how.

One of my friends suggested that I write a blog about friendship between exes (Look Alex, you got a shout out!).  It has always been an area of intrigue for me, so I figured…why not?  Let me exercise my demons via QWERTY and see where we land.

strangerswithmemories

I know a small number of people who have maintained friendships with their exes. I can count them on one hand.  I stare at them in awe and wonderment, the same way I stare at people who eat anchovy and banana sandwiches (Just…why??).  I don’t understand it.

Now, this blog is in reference to the people who jump into “friendships” immediately after a breakup.  (Those of you who rekindle a friendship years later are excused.  I can understand that part to a greater degree– though I still struggle with it).  How can you be friends with an ex?  Furthermore, why would you want to be friends with an ex?  If you still want that person in your life, why did you bother breaking up?  I understand that sometimes things just don’t work out.  Sometimes two wonderful people get together but for one reason or another they just don’t make a good pair.  I can see that.  However, I still do not see why you would want to remain friends with that person.  There were still reasons you had to end things, no?

Maybe it’s just the way I’m wired but I can’t seem to wrap my head around the concept.  What is the point?  I see a lot of people do it for the wrong reasons…aspirations of reconciliation, money, dependence.  What are the right reasons?

friendshipwhenready

Another friend (whaddup Hayet, you get a shout out too!) pointed out that perhaps if the breakup were due to extenuating circumstances (job re-location, moving cross country, etc) friendship seems feasible.  But when someone decides that they don’t want to be in a romantic relationship with you any more, why would you want to be friends with that person?

That seems like a slap in the face to me.  “You’re not good enough for me to spend my life with, but let’s have dinner… occasionally.”  Am I missing something here? What exactly is enticing about this idea?

Personally (and everything about this blog is simply personal opinion, feel free to talk shit later), I think that the people claiming they want “friendship” really just want to keep you on the back burner.  You know, in case they can’t find anyone better.  I happen to think I deserve more than that.  I think that I deserve someone who knows my worth, appreciates me, respects me and WANTS to be with me.  Call me crazy, but I do and I think you deserve that too.

Know your worth.  Don’t let anyone use you or abuse you.  You deserve better than that.

If I’m lucky, maybe just maybe, I will find a love like this.  A love that never dies.  Because we all deserve that, don’t we?  It seems worth waiting for.

(If you watch this video, you WILL cry).

Be the Good in the World

I decided to take a different route today.  My thoughts are random and often frivolous and so today, I wanted to call your attention to something worthwhile.  (I know it’s pretty hard to beat ice cream and Netflix but let’s try, shall we?)

Let me tell you a little bit about my friend Jen.  She is probably one of the most amazing people you will ever meet.  (To be fair, all of my friends are top notch- I only choose the best.  But today is about Jen.)  She is a fantastic wife, mother, artist, and do-gooder extraordinaire.  She is certainly one of the strongest, kindest people I know and she is doing some great things with her life right now.

Take a second to check out her blog, Be the Good Project or search her on Facebook and Instagram at the same name.  She and her sons are proving that there are still good people in this world– one good deed at a time.

giraffes_kindness

Since starting this project a few weeks ago she has left positive notes for strangers, bought coffee for the guy behind her, sent love notes to sick children, led a food drive collecting as much as 20 bags of food for those in need, and that’s just the beginning.

bethegoodkids

Doesn’t it make you want to go out and do some good of your own?

I am so proud of my friend for being such a positive light in the world, but even more-so, I am so happy that she is teaching her sons to be just as kind and giving.  She is leading by example and it is beautiful.  She is a wonderful mother and IF I ever have children, I aspire to be just like her.

Follow her and join the cause.  Do one good deed every day.  Smile.  Save a life.