-Hey Marie, meet the real world.
–What the hell? The real world just slapped me in the face!
-Yep. She’s kind of bitch. Proceed with caution.
Yeah, yeah, it’s another one of those articles. When I started this blog I set out with the intention of writing random pieces but as of late I know that I’ve been returning frequently to post-graduate life and the hell that is our economy at the moment. Write what you know, right? Don’t worry, eventually I’ll go back to writing about the other stuff I know about like…men and physics. Just kidding! I understand neither of those things.
Tonight’s gripe is fear. Have you ever been in a situation where you know what it is that you really want but you’re paralyzed by fear? You can’t really move forward but you can’t go back so you’re basically just stuck in neutral. Now, I’m not much of a car expert but I do know that neutral works best when your shitty ass car breaks down and you need to bribe some guy to physically push your car up the hill for you. That’s how it works, right? So who do I have to bribe to get me moving again?
Unemployment was the bump in the road that broke me down. Almost three months with no income due to the inefficiencies of the system has left me in hard times. It has just made it that much more difficult to “pursue my dreams” but I haven’t let the dream die just yet. I had hoped to use this as an opportunity to make a bold career change but paralyzed by the fear of making any mistakes in a failing economy, I have remained stationary. Friends and family insist that I plan long-term and set realistic goals. Therein lies the problem! I’ve never been great with reality.
Delusions of grandeur have plagued me since childhood. First, I wanted to become a doctor because I liked playing with stethoscopes when I was young. Later, I wanted to become a lawyer because my father wanted me to be one. Then, I took a drama class in highschool and the shit hit the fan. Ever since then I’ve wanted to be in entertainment. First, I wanted to act because I love attention. Then, I wanted to direct because being the boss sounded pretty cool and ironically, it wasn’t until later that I realized writing was probably my strong point. Theater was never my ultimate goal, even though I studied it for four years and hold a deep love of the art. It was always film. It will always be film. But film isn’t realistic! How am I supposed to make any money as an artist, let alone an artist in an economic depression? But the truth is, writing movies, making movies, performing in movies- those are the only things that can give me a sense of satisfaction. At the risk of sounding cliché, everything else just leaves me empty. So do I make a bold jump and get my masters in film? Do I spend money that I don’t have to enter a very risky business or do I play it safe and forever regret not taking the chance? Did I just answer my own question? Am I asking too many questions?!
Life is a bitch. She will slap you and beat you down every chance she gets. Obstacles abound and no choice will ever be easy. All we can do is pick our asses up again when she inevitably knocks us down.
Maybe bob and weave along the way.